Many years ago, I began journaling…this practice helped me express so many thoughts and emotions that I just couldn’t bring myself to say out loud. Imagine my surprise when one day a poem started flowing onto the page - with rhyming words and everything!

From time to time, my long stories and pages of processing were replaced by analogies and rhymes. It was the strangest thing - as if I needed yet another ‘weird’ attribute to add to my overflowing basket of quirky qualities.

I very rarely shared these words. I burned a few poems as a clearing and cleansing exercise. But for the most part I stashed them. Every time I moved, I took them with me - boxes of words. I tried posting a few on an online poetry website back in 2010, but back then I recall feeling anxious, uncomfortable, vulnerable and far too hung up on my need to be ‘good enough’ and the opinions of the readers.

It has taken me many, many hours of introspection and processing to find a sense of worthiness and acceptance of who I am and how I do what I do. It’s taken many pages in my journal too! And the process has only just begun…

 

At this point I want to express my gratitude to my daughter - for the way she has honoured my heart by rescuing and storing my boxes of words - which I had the pleasure of re-discovering when I visited her and her amazing husband in South Africa last year. (They even spotted me an extra suitcase to bring as many pages as I could manage with me, home to Canada!)

 

On one long, rainy day I opened my ‘Pandora’s Boxes’ and winnowed my way through many years and pages of words and emotions. What struck me profoundly was what my heart had made so long ago - and how those words still held the power to move me, to shake me, to inspire me and to love me more.

 

My heart has spoken loud enough for my head to hear - it is time to share the words - there are many other hearts on this planet that could be moved, shaken, inspired and loved more.

And because my hand so faithfully formed the heart-made words, I have chosen to continue to support this relationship by presenting the words in my own handwriting.

 

With my hand on my heart, thank you for stopping here on your journey - may you be moved, shaken, inspired, uplifted, comforted or any combination of those things by what you read.

 

 May you be blessed with more love for yourself and a deeper sense of peace in this space,

 

Esther Irene

(translation: Star of Peace)